Paul is rather clear in the end of Ephesians chapter 5. He draws a striking parallel between Jesus and the church, and husbands and wives. He calls on husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. And there we tend to stop. Jesus died for us, that we might have peace with God. A godly husband, then, is one who is ready and willing to lay down his life for his wife, if such an occasion should ever arise. A godly wife is one who submits to her own husband. A godly husband, or so we think, is one who is willing to take a hypothetical bullet for his bride. The trouble is, or the good news is, that neither the text, nor Jesus stops there. Jesus does not merely die for the church, but He washes her with the water of the Word, that she might be without spot or wrinkle. Jesus' work of atonement ended on the cross. But He is far from finished. He is about the business of bringing all things under subjection, and is purifying His bride.

The dominion mandate, wherein we are about the same business of bringing all things under subjection, in turn includes the call to purify our brides. Of course we are but means. That is, it is the Holy Spirit from whence comes the power. It is the Word of God which washes. But husbands are the tools in the hands of God to bring this to pass. Our calling is to wash our brides with the water of the Word.

Our calling here is prophetic. The prophet brings to bear the Word of God to those under his care, calling on them to believe all that God has said. So husbands ought to do with their wives. When our wives face the temptation to grumble and complain, we call on them, as Paul does, to rejoice in all things. When our wives face the temptation to covet, we encourage them to give thanks for all that God has provided for them. The power is in the Word. It has the power to change us.

Our calling isn't merely to have happy marriages. We are not brought together as husband and wife for the sake of self-fulfillment. Instead, the very center of the garden a man is called to cultivate is his own wife. His life's work isn't ultimately making better widgets. It is instead being used to help make better wives. Jesus works for the sake of His bride. Husbands ought to do no less. For anyone who loves himself will love his wife, for the two are one flesh.

A husband set on the sanctifying his wife will realize as well, that because we are one flesh with our wives, we had better be busy about our own sanctification. It is likely that the blots and blemishes on our brides are rather similar to the blots and blemishes on ourselves. In both instances, wash with the Word. And pray that God would be pleased to sanctify us, to make us both, husbands and wives, ever more like our Lord, like our Husband.

Source: http://www.highlandsstudycenter.org/book_samples.php#Wives