Checklist For The Guy Who Wants To Marry Our Daughter (Dale Meador)
My wife worries this will scare all the boys off. Oh, no: wouldn't that be a shame?
When our daughter Anne was a little girl, I would carry her into her bedroom after our family devotions and we would say good-night to each of the many stuffed animals and characters in her room. One was a 4-inch tall ceramic rabbit on a stand with “I love you soooo much” printed on it. “Night, night, Bunny!” we would whisper and Anne would give it a kiss. Eventually I would lay her in her crib, as soft and cuddly as her two older brothers were wiry and wriggly. Bedtime was always a delight, and I would give her a peck on the forehead as she laid there, her long beautiful hair like a soft pillow of spun gold.
With memories like this and many more, you can imagine why the horror of ever turning our precious daughter over to some monkey-boy in marriage leaves my trigger finger twitching. I know it’s probably inevitable and I know it will be my job at that point to humbly butt out of their lives and let them develop their own family with its own personality and character, just as my own in-laws so graciously did over thirty years ago. That will be a lot easier for me if she marries a quality guy, and I thought I would facilitate that eventuality by listing qualifications for the right man in a simple, straightforward checklist, provided below. For a few more years, anyway, I’m still the boss. Any guy who wants to marry our daughter – or a special young lady like her - with her Mother and Father’s blessing, and with the blessing of her big brothers (both accomplished, heavily-armed marksmen, btw, who have whole-heartedly endorsed this) will post and revere and live by this checklist, starting now. It’s a long one, and I’m sure that many fathers have similar expectations for their future sons-in-law, so smart boys will pay close attention no matter who they’re after.
Note: these are not listed in order of importance, and qualifications may be added or modified at any time.
- I am ready to make a commitment to one woman to whom I will stick through thick and thin, good times and bad, in sickness and in health
- I am a self-starting, hard worker, whether at menial tasks or grandiose projects
- I love the gospel of Christ which both saves and sustains me: the good news that I have been made righteous by the righteousness of Jesus apart from anything that I have done, will do, or am capable of
- I have not squandered my affection on a long series of “girlfriends” with whom I have paired up or whom I have sexually defrauded, saving my dreams and excitement for one woman: my wife
- I am ready to treat my wife with gentleness and respect, becoming an ardent student of her personality, spirit and needs, pursuing her holiness and joy in Christ and subsuming my needs to hers
- I spend time in the Word and in prayer every day without anyone forcing me to do it
- I am a good listener, adept at understanding what others say and posing questions designed to better comprehend the heart behind the speaker’s words
- I battle temptation, especially lust and pornography, and pledge from the beginning to keep my mind, eyes, heart and hands off all other women (except for hugging elderly female relatives)
- I have considered my reason for existence and my purpose in the Kingdom and can explain that in 25 words or less to a potential wife, who will be asked to join that purpose with her own
- I am not addicted to fantasy sports, any video game, social networking site, online simulation community or fairy wonderland
- I am open to the wisdom and correction of a few trusted spiritual mentors, and ready to gently snub meddlers
- I am content with whom - and where - I am, but have definite but flexible goals for the future
- I understand and love reformed theology, the clearest means of connecting one scripture and covenant with another
- I am not in debt (except perhaps moderate educational debt likely to be recovered by future income), have a means of providing for my wife, have some savings, and am already a regular giver to my church and other Christian causes, missions or missionaries
- I have a great relationship with my parents, especially my Mother
- I am comfortable around big, extended, noisy families
- I will never consider divorce an option, except – reluctantly – if biblical grounds for divorce exist, and I expect to be the object of biblical church discipline if I initiate a divorce my wife for other than those grounds
- I am eager to be an active, loving, strict, fun Father
- I am ready to figure out the balance between building my own family and honoring our extended family
- I am eager to be the respected, spiritual head of our household
- I am eager to pursue joint interests with my wife, rather than persist in hobbies or avocations that will separate us for more than a few hours at a time
- I have known and loved the Lord for a long time
- I do not need drugs, alcohol, a particular car, boat, rifle or fishing reel to be happy
- I am open to the scrutiny of my future father and brothers-in-law, including (but not limited to) background checks, blood and urine samples, psychological examination, a credit report, personal references and a physical agility test
- I love dogs, cats not so much (unless they behave like dogs)
- I will never move more than a few hours’ drive from my children’s grandparents
- I have a good, informed attitude toward homeschoolers and homeschooling
- I have the utmost respect for law enforcement, and for the armed forces of the United States of America
- I enjoy spending ammo at the range
- I laugh easily
- But I will never laugh at my future father-in-law’s lists
By Pastor Dale Meador and posted at www.pastordale.com.