The following discussion touches briefly on some of the major principles surrounding the role relationship of husbands and wives in marriage; it is by no means exhaustive, but it should serve as a starting point for further study. As you read this material, I encourage you to look up the verses that I have cited in my discussion--please see for yourself what God says about these important principles.

Neither Inferior nor Superior

By God's design, man and woman are one in essence (see Genesis 2:23), and are therefore equal in dignity, value, and glory (see Gal. 3:26-29). Although God himself has assigned husbands and wives different roles within marriage, the essential unity of man and woman leaves absolutely no room for concepts of inferiority or superiority.

Christ himself vividly demonstrated this "different but equal" concept. Jesus was and is one in essence with the Father, yet Jesus was "sent" by the Father (see John 3:16) and willingly submitted to Him without protest (see Luke 22:42; John 14:31; 1 Cor. 15:28). (To submit means simply to yield, that is, not to insist on getting your own way.) The same may be said of the Holy Spirit; He is one in essence with the Father and the Son, yet He was "sent" by them (see John 14:26; 16:7) and willingly submitted. Similarly, Jesus was commended for being in submission to His parents, which certainly did not make Him inferior to them (see Luke 2:51).

By these analogies, we must conclude that having different roles or authority does not make us either inferior or superior. Therefore, it is contrary to Scripture to teach that holding authority makes a person superior, just as it is wrong to teach that being in submission implies inferiority.
Be Imitators of God

Ephesians 5:21-33 contains explicit instructions on the husband-wife relationship. In recent years, this passage has become quite controversial, and it is frequently misunderstood and abused by both men and women. In order to understand it properly, it must be studied in its context. Paul begins chapter five with these words:

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Eph. 5:1-2).

Thus, the larger context of Paul's instructions on marriage is the development of what it means to be "imitators of God." As we will soon see, Jesus himself set the perfect example both of using authority properly and of being in submission. Thus, in verses 21-33, Paul is explaining how husbands and wives should follow Jesus' example, imitating God by walking in love.

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Ken Sande is the Founder and President of Peacemaker Ministries

Source: http://www.peacemaker.net/site/apps/nlnet/content2.aspx?c=aqKFLTOBIpH&b=1043497&ct=1245903